Where I’ve Been

It’s been almost a year since I’ve updated this blog. I would apologize, but a lot has happened. Some of it has been amazing, but a lot… hasn’t.

My beloved cat, Sarek, passed away from a stroke on June 21. Not even a month later, on July 20, my mother died of lung cancer. She was admitted to the hospital with a bowel obstruction, something she had numerous times. We thought it would be like the last time: drop an NG tube, deflate her stomach, and the obstruction will resolve.

Unbeknownst to us, her cancer had already metastasized to her brain. My uncle and I were at her side when she passed.

I say “unbeknownst to us” because she kept scheduling PET scans over the past year, and she was repeatedly told the same thing. Due to the pandemic, PET scans were being performed “on an emergent basis only.” She would have to wait. The wait cost her her life.

Please, please, please, get vaccinated and continue wearing a mask. If you’re hesitant about receiving the vaccine, please wear a mask and avoid crowds. Please be responsible. People who did everything right are dying because so many have fallen prey to misinformation, are crippled by fear, or blatantly disregard the lives of others.

You may not know this, but I’ve been my mother’s caregiver since 2015. It’s been the one thing that defines my life above all others. Losing her has thrown my life into a state of flux. I genuinely don’t know who I am without her.

I changed my URL as a tribute to my mother. “Golden Slumbers” was her favorite Beatles song. It’s the first song I remember hearing as a child, and it’s the last song I played for my mother on her deathbed. I also want “smiles await you” to become a motto for me. Right now, life feels unbearable, but I will grow around my grief. Eventually, I’ll smile again.

Thank you to everyone who’s been so supportive. You have no idea how much I appreciate your kindness.

2 thoughts on “Where I’ve Been

  1. You know I’m always here for you thick or thin. You will grow through this grief. This is a lovely tribute to your mother and much more generous than I would be toward the idiots who refuse to get vaccinated.

    1. I know, and it means the world to me. Pffft, as much as I want to rant and scream, all the research shows that only makes them *less* likely to get vaccinated, and then more people will have to go through what I feel right now.

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